FUNNY CHICK SCRATCH

The Last Laugh

With much thought and consideration, I've decided to close the doors here at the Scratch. It has been a great writing work out and I certainly got to scratch an itch, but for now I am ready to move on. I may decide to come back in a new form, or I may not. For now I'm going to enjoy that life I see just beyond my computer monitor, hope to see you there. ~nita

Two Great Tastes that Taste Great Together

Hey you got your Ewan McGregor in my George Clooney movie!
No- you got your George Clooney in my Ewan McGregor film!

67 more days until the movie The Men Who Stare at Goats comes out in theaters. (Kristen if we plan now, maybe we can make it by opening weekend.) The movie looks to have everything I look for in a movie; silliness, goats, and Ewan McGregor. Now if I can just find a way to go without encouraging that needy bastard George Clooney from stalking me. (Seriously dude, I don't care how many times you slam your hand in the car door in an attempt to get my attention, I am not going to go out with you.) In the meantime, enjoy the preview. I particularly like Ewan's face at :22 after Clooney explains that he (Clooney) is a Jedi Warrior.

Lazy is As Lazy Does

Earlier this summer, my friend Kristen and I made a pack that we would go see the movie 500 Days of Summer together but our schedules have yet to line up. This weekend I was all set to go without her. (Bad nita.) I wanted to attend the movies’ walking tour which highlighted several of the downtown locations that were featured in the movie, and since the tour was to be held just down the street for me- Kristen would have to understand.

However, come the day of the tour, the temperatures reached a sweltering 105 degrees downtown, not to mention the skies were filled with smoke. (Way too much work for nita), so I opted to stay inside and drink Mike’s Hard Lemonade, before napping.

Turns out I’m too much of a fair weathered fan to be fair weathered friend.

Blog Break: Comedy Redux 2 Too

No video, but one of my favorite jokes by one of my favorite comedians:

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do.
And for those who like country music, denigrate means "put down" ~ Bob Newhart

That has to be one of the best written jokes, which is why Bob is a master. Thanks Bob for all the laughs.

Blog Break: Comedy Redux Again

And of course, one can't talk about things going wrong on the Carol Burnett Show without mentioning the joy that was Tim Conway when he cracked up Harvey Korman.

Blog Break: Comedy Redux 2

Can't talk about funny chicks without mentioning the head hen of funny, Carol Burnett, of course the best part of the show was when things went wrong.

Blog Break: Comedy Redux

Taking a little vacation this week, so thought I would run some of my favorite comedy classics. First up, Steve Martin's comedy for dogs, ~enjoy.

Meta Meta Meta -A Little Meta Humor

Smokey the Bear Turns 65

I hope they throw dirt on that cake when they're done, cause that sh!t can smolder for days.

Breaker Breaker We've Got a Walker-Trash-Talker

This morning on my walk up Wilshire Blvd. I was confronted by not one, but two, trash talking men with walkers. Their legs were moving slow, but their mouths were mumbling (grumbling) fast. They were walking side-by-side taking up the entire sidewalk, and they had such a fire in their bellies, it appeared they were not about to back down for anyone. I have to admit that even my hardened to the streets of downtown LA self was a little intimated (as was the tattooed gang banger sharing the side walk). It was impossible to make out what these two curmudgeons were grousing about. Maybe they were racing? Maybe they were complaining about how in their day they had to walk down Wilshire Blvd in the snow and stuff? Maybe they were debating health care? (Say what you will about the great debate, it has got old people hopping mad, which is good cardio, and more exercise than many have seen in years.)

I tried to snap a picture, but there were too many cars in the way to get a straight view. I snapped this just as they passed me and were turning the corner. Sadly, they moved more into a single file formation to make the turn (kinda like nascar). It’s hard to make out the first guy’s walker, or the fact that the second was really mad at this point. But one thing is for sure, these guys were just too fast for me.

Before One Funny Chick There Was One Cool Cat

My sis-in-law came across this little picture as she was going through my parent's storage. I remember drawing it, cause later my Dad framed it, but I don't remember how old I was. I had to be pretty close to first grade. It certainly doesn't show any signs of early artistic talent, but seeing it for the first time in thirty something years, I was a little surprised how some of the same things that influence me today were present even then.

Notice the extremely straight line of the kitty's chest plate. I do love straight line design and that had to be harder to draw then if I had opted for the more natural rounded version. I was clearly inspired by my cat Marshmellow (yes spelled -ellow), because both she and the model had/have a short tail, but I am not sure why the kitty was spotted? Except for the fact that I loved/love polka dots. (Marshmellow was white, hence the name.)

But I have no explanation for what's going on with that cat's eyelashes and neck ribbon? Perhaps that was my inner diva trying to get out.

I Hate to Say It But....

Man, global warming is beautiful. I haven't seen a sunset this pretty since the fires of 2005... or is that the glow from someone's birthday candles?

Photo by Paul Villa. Happy birthday (month), man!

Stop Looking at My Eyes- My Shirt is Down Here

Here is my next million dollar idea:

A T-shirt written in braille.

Of course to read it, one must feel it, so allow me to translate, it says: "boobs".

The Jerk Store Called and They're All Out of You

One of my favorite Seinfeld episodes is the one where George attempts to craft a comeback to an insult someone made at his expense. In typical George fashion, he obsesses over his comeback, finally decides on the "perfect one", and then, days later, has to get the person to insult him again so he can use his line to zing back. Of course he fails miserably.

As any comedian will tell you, timing is everything. We've all had that spontaneous "magic in the moment" response work perfectly on stage, then try and recreate it again with a different audience only to watch the premise go down in flames.

But sometimes we are blessed with the perfect comeback at the exact moment we need it, only it takes days (or in my case years) to realize just how clever the comeback was.

In high school I was a fairly shy quiet kid who was also notoriously short for my age. This often prompted kids to come over and rest their arm on my head. (Which annoyed me more so because it was trite.) One repeat offender of this move was a girl named Aileen. Aileen was a year older me, and when she wasn't hanging out with the cool kids, she and I would often ride the same bus.

One day, Aileen came up and rested her arm on my head as she said,
"How's the weather down their shrimp?"
To which I replied, without a lot of thought,
"How's the weather up there tuna?"

Now, in my defense, I really was that naive and did not to know how insulting my comeback was. Aileen, however, not so much. (She immediately huffed off, and never spoke to me again.) In hindsight, I think someone may have called her that before...she was a tad defensive. 

Sorry Aileen. I hope you will allow this clip to make up for the fact that I hadn't fully grown into my comedic powers yet.

Oh Crap

Here is a sample of one of the Funny Chick Myspace concepts that was ultimately rejected. The subtle bird poo on Funny Chick's head could have been a sign of the graphic designer's frustration with me.....but I said Funny Chick is self-deprecating NOT self-defecating.

Comedy Scratch

If I were stranded on a desserted island the one thing I would want with me is a fork.

The best anti-theft device for a car is a cassette player.

DOH!

I really love this photo. As someone, who has driven around with a big yellow kayak on top of her trooper and forgotten it was up there, only to ram it into the overhang of a drive-thru, there is just something about this photo that I can identify with.

Although it could just be a parable about how a wienermobile was stuck, until a young child suggested that they let the air out of the tires...

Don't Try This at Home

There comes a time when every comedian has to deal with hecklers. Personally, I rarely get mean spirited hecklers, (Thank you Funny Chick Fans) but even an off-timed comment can be annoying. And for those of you who have ever said, "I was just doing it to help the comedian out" think again, no comedian really wants to have to go off script, to teach you how to be thoughtful. Here are a couple of my favs taking two entirely different approaches to handling hecklers. Joe's (Joe Klocek) takes about 10 seconds to come into focus, and is a little long but well worth the wait, and Arj (Arj Barker) is able to end with one of my favorite jokes so stick with it.

His Loss

What Comes with Age Goes With Age

I have gotten to the age where I sometimes need to call myself in the middle of the day to remind myself of things I don't want to forget. I will often get home and hear a message that says something like: "Hi its me, I just wanted to remind you that you are running low on toilet paper." The problem is, as I get older I sound more and more like my mother on the phone, so I hear the message and immediately think it's her.

My first response is to be a little freaked out that my mom would even know this very personal detail. "I do need toilet paper." I admit to myself. "How does she know?"

Then, as I slowly contemplate the magnitude of her telepathic reach, I start to get angry. How dare she call me to tell me I am out of toliet paper. I am a grown woman, I don't need her to tell me when to buy toilet paper. I can handle going potty by myself...well sort of. Damn it.

God is In The Details

I have a friend who is a tattoo artist. She is very specialized and only does work on women's breasts after they have had reconstruction surgery. Until she started doing this, I didn't even know there were people who offered this service. I think she is truly doing the work of Lord. It requires a lot of attention to detail, and a very steady hand to create a tattoo that replicates a woman's areola.

OK, technically, she does not recreate the areola, she just tattoos the word in a ring of Chinese characters.

And sometimes, she just tattoos a Betty Boop in place of the nipple. It's called the Betty Boop Boob. (Yeah, you shake your head, but trying saying that 10 times really fast.)

Monkey See Monkey Do

This photo was on the front page of the Los Angeles Times on Friday, I didn't happen to catch what the caption said (or read the article), but I suspect it was something like this (click pic to enlarge):

Viral Revenge- Not Just an STD

This just proves my long held belief that revenge is better served via you tube. (For the complete story click here.)  And as someone who saw United send her cat down the luggage carousel at O'Hare, I can believe it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. ~n

Does Anyone Want To Talk About The Elephant In The Room?

For those of us living in downtown Los Angeles, a circus has come to town, literally. Ringling Brothers is set to perform at the Staples Center this week, and today is the day that they have their annual Elephant Walk through the streets of Los Angeles. Yep a whole heard of African Elephants strolled through the streets of downtown this morning with the world’s media standing just a few away and no one has bothered to even mention it. I am not sure if the swarms of people at the Staples Center even looked up to notice. Even PETA has been quiet and they live for that kind of crap. (PETA you know I love ya, but you lost me a little on the whole President killing a fly stance.)

How crazy do things have to be if you can miss a whole heard of elephants? I know that I can sometimes be a jaded urban dweller, but there is something magically about waiting at a busy city intersection to cross the street and seeing those wholly mammoths saunter by.

Now if I could just figure out why I have the song Thriller stuck in my head?

Into Each Blogger’s Life a Little Living Must Fall

Once again my lack of scratch is not a sign that we have not been producing here at the Funny Chick Factory, in fact the funny egg production has been in over drive. While no hormones were involved to reach increased production demands, we may have used some heavy doses of sugar (and by sugar I mean pop tarts) and caffeine. (Possibly, there maybe could have been, I’m not saying for sure.)   While I have hardly had enough time to even think of blogging, I must admit that the real reason is that we haven't blogged is that we have a rule around here of no scratching before hatching.

But here's a hint of some things to come later this summer:

• New Funny Chick Merchandise- still looking at samples and prototypes but there are some early favorites that we are definitely excited about. If I get organized I might put up some sample photos for ewes to vote on. (Sheep have a surprisingly good eye for design.)

• A newly remodeled Funny Chick Online Store, (With it's own domain name: One Funny Chick) of course the paint is still wet, and we have a few more details to fill in, but it's open during construction so feel free to check it out.

• Funny Chick’s newly remodeled Myspace (I guess technically that would be Herspace). It's not up and running just yet, but upon completion it promises to be an interactive fun land. (Look for her updates to post on Facebook too.)

• Production has begun for Funny Chick's animated short web series. Stories and story boards are completed and now just down to hiring/picking cast and crew. If anyone is interested or knows of someone who is interested by all means have them contact Funny Chick. We need a great 2-d animator, and some voice over people.

• Funny Chick’s parent company Far From the Tree Greetings is being remodeled. The final blue prints haven’t been approved yet so you won’t see any changes, but I do know the deposit check has cleared, so you should see some movement soon.

All that and I still managed to sneak in a little vacation with the gal pals in San Francisco.

Look for more updates as details are inked. There’s the prospect of some fun collaborations with some real talented peeps, as well as some live appearances. Until then I will leave you with the only photo I took while on vacation.